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Lyrics >  X >  Xtc >  Upsy Daisy Assortment > No Thugs in Our House
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No Thugs in Our House
Cast of characters

Graham, a teenager
Mother, a busy housewife
Father, a conservative husband
Policeman, a young constable

Scene: a kitchen in suburbia, one bright saturday morning

Act one

Narrator: the insect-headed worker-wife will hang her waspies on the
Line. her husband burns his paper, sucks his pipe while studying
Their cushion-floor, his viscous poly-paste breath comes out. their
Wall-paper world is shattered by his shout. a boy in blue is busy
Banging out a headache on the kitchen door. all the while graham
Slept on, dreaming of a world where he could do just what he wanted
To.

Mother and father (in unison): no thugs in our house, are there dear?
We made that clear, we made little graham promise us he’d be a good
Boy. no thugs in our house, are there dear? we made that clear, we
Made little graham promise us he’d be a good boy.

Act two

Narrator: the young policeman who just can’t grow a moustache will
Open up his book, and spoil their breakfast with reports of asians who
Have been so badly kicked.

Policeman: is this your son’s wallet I’ve got here? he must have
Dropped it after too much beer!

Mother: oh, officer, we can’t believe our little angel is the one
You’ve picked.

Narrator: and all the while graham slept on, dreaming of a world
Where he could do just what he wanted to.

Mother and father (in unison): no thugs in our house, are there dear?
We made that clear, we made little graham promise us he’d be a good
Boy. no thugs in our house, are there dear? we made that clear, we
Made little graham promise us he’d be a good boy.

Narrator: they never read those pamphlets in his bottom drawer.

Policeman: they never read that tattoo on his arm.

Narrator: they thought that was just a boys club badge he wore.

Policeman: they never thought he’d do folks any harm.

Act three

Narrator: the insect-headed worker-wife will hang her waspies on the
Line. she’s singing something stale and simple now this business has
Fizzled out. her little tune is such a happy song. her son is
Innocent, he can’t do wrong, ’cos dad’s a judge and knows exactly what
The job of judging’s all about. and all the while graham slept on,
Dreaming of a world where he could do just what he wanted to.

Mother and father (in unison): no thugs in our house, are there dear?
We made that clear, we made little graham promise us he’d be a good
Boy. no thugs in our house, are there dear? we made that clear, we
Made little graham promise us he’d be a good boy.

Mother: no thugs in our house!

Father: no thugs in our house!

Complete cast (in unison): no thugs in our house, dear!

Set design by andy partridge with co-ordination by ken ansell.
Stage and scenery by art dragon
 
> Other songs from Upsy Daisy Assortment
Life Begins at The Hop
Ball & Chain
Chalkhills & Children
Dear God
Earn Enough for Us
Funk Pop a Roll
Generals & Majors
Grass
King for a Day
Love on a Farmboy’s Wages
Making Plans for Nigel
No Thugs in Our House
Respectable Street
Seagulls Screaming Kiss Her, Kiss Her
Senses Working Overtime
The Ballad of Peter Pumpkinhead
The Disappointed
The Mayor of Simpleton
This World Over